Learning Soft Skills = Constant Learning

I usually write about new tools that I'm learning to use while on the job or personally, but this time I want to talk about a different type of tool... One that is not technical, but still important in a technical job.

At my first job in a large company where I knew virtually no one, it was challenging in the beginning. Here's some things I learned:

No one is perfect.

Soft skills is a thing that everyone struggles with. Everyone. No matter how comfortable you think you are in communicating and dealing with people, whenever you have to shift teams, you will eventually experience a surprise uncomfortable situation. It's just what happens when you cram a bunch of monkeys into an office. Err, I mean developers.

Smile. A lot.

I'm not talking about impersonating the Joker. I'm just saying that having a pleasant expression usually goes a long way to disarm people and make them understand that you are approachable. You only need to do this when you make eye contact, but it doesn't hurt to smile randomly either, as studies show it can improve your mood. Give a slight nod when you pass a fellow coworker and garnish it with a light smile. Maybe even say "Hi."

Give people space.

I tend to be pretty gregarious when I get going, but I soon realized that people need room. It's not like in the small indie startups I used to work for where everyone had nicknames, ate together, and practically went home together. Before you decide to engage in friendly banter, make sure they are goofing around or taking a breather. If they are plugged in with their headphones, send them a single small work-chat message and wait.

Don't get personal.

Opening up to people can be pretty easy for some, but you never know when the person on the receiving end just does not feel comfortable talking about their non-work life. If other people talk about their personal stuff, it's probably okay to talk about yours with that specific person. If you're not sure you should share the color of your latest fecal excrement... Don't. Actually, never do that.

Complain less.

The problem with complaining is that it's contagious. Once one person starts pooping on their manager, their crappy equipment, or their cubiclite won't shut the !@#$ up, others will follow, and the temptation is pretty powerful. You can join in every once in a while, but don't be the person that complains about everything, you negative Nancy!

Take insults with a grain of sugar.

Every now and then, coworkers are going to joke around or say something that comes off awkward or *gasp* insulting. Most of the time, they don't mean to be offensive. Most people don't want to lose their job over being an @#$. Even if they are trying to be offensive, assume they aren't. If they're really trying to pick a fight, then you've got bigger problems.